Five-Minute Friday: TELL

Tell the truth.

Always.

No matter what, truth is always the right choice.

Now HOW you tell the truth is key to communication. Your tone of voice, or tone in your writing tells more about how your heart feels than your words do. So tell the truth in love and you might be heard. If you spew the truth out in angry judgmental words, it will not be heard. Only the anger and emotion will be heard.

Children especially, hear the emotion and not the words. Begin with the emotion of love.

When my son was small and had disobeyed, especially deliberate disobedience used to make me crazy. When I was angry, I would say “Go to your room and I’ll come talk to you once I get over my anger.” Once I had calmed myself down I could rationally address the behavior. I wish I could say I did this 100% of the time, but I was not a perfect parent. No one is perfect.

Do you tell the truth?

How do you do it so that love is the only emotion someone hears?

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About Shari Risoff

Shari Risoff is an author, editor and consultant based in Raleigh, NC, USA. She studied business and spent years building client relationships in the corporate world and is passionate about communicating. She is the author of two books, Released: A True Story of Escape from an Abusive Marriage and Accidental Sabbatical. She began to consult and write full time during her own accidental sabbatical. She writes, and edits books for other authors, as well as helping small business owners with infrastructure or communication or projects of many kinds. She is devoted to her husband Stephen. When she is not working on her new book, or hanging out with Stephen, she is reading books or studying human behavior. Readers or writers in need of an editor can get in touch via email: projectmavens @ risoff.com or follow her on Twitter @ShariRisoff.
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8 Responses to Five-Minute Friday: TELL

  1. 9jaime says:

    You have touched on something very important! I personally feel very attacked if I am yelled at—even if the yelling is not at me, just about a situation! My husband, on the other hand, feels like yelling gets it all out and fixes it! We have an interesting marriage. 🙂 God bless.

    • Shari Risoff says:

      Thanks Jaime! I also feel attacked if I am yelled at and I have specific memories of times where I allowed emotion to take over and it destroyed the message I was trying to communicate. Thank you for stopping by and I’m looking forward to reading your blog as well!

  2. Darrel Anderson says:

    Great stuff Bear, but different personalities and condition of people’s circumstances have a bearing on how this exercise is communicated. In spite of these, it’s still the right way to do it. Love, Dad

    • Shari Risoff says:

      Exactly dad. That’s the point… It’s all about how it’s communicated so that it’s heard. In my experience the method may be different with different people. Thanks for the comments.

  3. mincs1 says:

    I agree that how you tell the truth is important to communication; but I wonder if telling the truth when you know that it may be divisive or hurtful is appropriate? Is it still best to tell the truth? Perhaps remain silent? Or should truth always prevail no matter the fallout? Just wondering…

  4. Shari Risoff says:

    Hi Mary, Thanks for your comment. I can’t think of a situation where I would tell the truth to be hurtful or divisive, nor can I think of one where it would be appropriate just for those reasons. It depends on the person and the situation as to HOW you would communicate and what words you might use, absolutely. You could remain silent if it is simply a matter of your opinion that is not helpful to share with someone… for example, if you are specifically asked if you like a new haircut.
    If the truth is going to be construed as negative, you can couch it between two positives.
    But in what situation would it be better to lie?
    Isn’t there always worse fallout from a lie? Like broken trust?
    How is it ever helpful to a situation or to a person to lie?
    I really appreciate your comments and would love to see one of your poems on the subject. 🙂

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