We get to choose. Even if we are not the one choosing our circumstances, we are able to choose our response.
Easier said than done, I know. Especially if we have to respond in public, out in the open where others see our reaction instead of our action. So how we respond must be an intentional, active choice.
Last year I intentionally chose to resign my position in one state to join my husband who had accepted a new position in another state. At first we were going to try the long distance marriage route, at least until the house sold, but it became evident within 3 weeks that creating new lives without each other was not conducive to continual growth together. And growth apart is important and good for awhile, but not best practice for a solid marriage.
So I made the choice to join him, despite the fact the house did not sell, despite the fact that I did not have a new job lined up. It has always been our deal in two decades of marriage that we will follow whichever of us has the best opportunity. The past two times we have moved, his was unquestionably the best.
When being interviewed I am asked, “So, why did you move here”?
So I answer honestly that I am what some call a ‘trailing spouse’… that I resigned from my job to relocate for my husband’s new one… that I am searching for my next opportunity and simultaneously enjoying a deserved sabbatical.
I actually hear the shift in tone of voice even on the phone interviews, more often from women than men. As if I had just said out loud that my husband’s career is more important than mine, even though mine has never suffered as I have honored his.
We have been best friends and partners for many years now, and ours has always been a 110%/110% marriage. It’s not an egalitarian thing; it is unconditional love in action.
And that is always a choice.
So I continue my search for a company to serve that understands that core belief.