What Chris Brogan said…

I rarely read a blog post that has more to share in it than a line or a paragraph here and there. But on Sunday mornings Chris Brogan emails his online friends and today I want to share the entire post, not just the one tweetable line he identifies.

There are many good lessons in his words today. Especially when it has been a couple of weeks of personal branding work and resume tweaking and networking perfecting. It all feels exhausting when it’s not natural and doesn’t feel comfortable tooting your own horn. I’m much more comfortable as a First Follower, and having found a few really good leaders I could be proud to follow and promote, the challenge is to be the leader others want to follow.

But anyway – back to Chris’ lesson. Here it is. I echo… ‘what he said’.

Are You Turning People Off?

Self-promotion is tricky!

My grandfather was a candy salesman in Augusta, Maine. He was honored several times with being one of the top salespeople for Pine State, his company. Yet, when I went on his sales route with him, I never once saw him sell.

He’d stop and see Flo from Flo’s Variety on Sand Hill, and ask how her granddaughter did on her spelling test. He’d exchange hugs with Mr. Dupuis and tell clean jokes (while I was in earshot), and there’d be a lot of red faces and back slapping. I never once heard him ask for a sale. I saw him connect, commiserate, and learn what was happening in his customers’ lives.

My drink at this very moment is a hot cup of water with some lemon. What’s yours? My Gramps? He used to drink Coke. Plain Coke. (He once crashed a Coke truck and made the front page of the newspaper for it.)


I spend a lot of time chatting up people online, but that’s only part of the experience. I have to make connections. I have to get relationships going with the smart up and comers, as well as the folks who are currently most interesting to my you. So far, that’s similar to my grandfather’s world.

But what about when I need more reach? What about when I have to start stretching beyond the people I know? What about when I’m seeking to grow influence? It’s time to self-promote, and this is fundamentally different than the offline world in some ways, and sadly quite the same in others.


Imagine you are at a cocktail party on the night before a conference. Some people in the room know each other, and are clustering in clumps that way. You’re the newcomer to the group. You walk up to a circle of people, smile, and say…

That’s the heart of what you’ll have to know, right? If I freeze this moment in time, and if you think about it, here’s the analog to self promotion in the digital space. Because what you say next is how you will be received. Let’s press play a few times:

You say, “Hey there! Mind if I join your group? I just wrote a great blog post about how career planning has to get more social. It got a ton of comments. Care to add your two cents?”

Them: * blank stares*


You: “Hi! My name’s Chris. Would you take my business cards and hand them out to everyone? You might as well pass on that I say that I’m awesome.”

Them: *grab sharp implements*


You: “I know we haven’t met before. A long time ago, my life was really boring and mundane. My dog had tapeworms. We lived in a bad part of town. Then, my nana got sick. Then I…”

Wait. Where’d everyone go?


People have a hard time knowing what to do in that exact moment where they know they need to build relationships on the web, and it’s not entirely anyone’s fault. We just haven’t really thought through any other ways to get the word out in a method that would be more effective.

Let me list the problems at hand, and then we’ll go right into a recipe for a better chance at getting absorbed into that group and benefits made.


* People don’t know you yet, so have no idea why they should interact.
* You’re so worried about not being seen that you pounce too fast into your story.
* You believe there’s only one chance.
* It’s a loud and crowded space (even virtually, this is often true).
* Your story doesn’t really have good entry points yet.


Here’s what I know to work for self-promotion more often than not.

1.) Start with them. As you “approach the small group,” even (especially!) online, start by commenting on their work, and just “being there.” The people I notice the most in my own community are those who have a point of view, and who always seem there to interact.

2.) Add connective tissue. I made friends with Michael Sampson from New Zealand over our mutual appreciation for Batman. What excites someone that overlaps with what you also love is a great bridge.

3.) Be helpful to them far before you ask for something. Tim Sanders, author of the amazing book Love is the Killer App (and also grab Today We Are Rich!) is the master of doing a TON for someone without ever asking for anything back.

4.) Always have a condensed and simple story to retell about you.

This one needs a little story. I was once sitting in the bar at the Roger Smith Hotel in New York, and a guy who knew no one there besides his girlfriend came up and shook my hand. He said, “Hi, I once sold a joke to a professional comedian.”

Holy cats. What an amazing first line. I NEEDED the story. And the joke is hilarious (or was to me). If you want to hear it, hit reply and ask me for the joke.

Having a story to tell that’s quite simple about what you do and most especially who you serve, is great. Mine? “I deliver tools and smarts to folks who want to work better.” It’s like an elevator pitch, only it’s something you could say out loud to someone.

5.) Make your first “ask” small. If you and I have a brief interaction online and then you ask me to write the foreword to your new book, it won’t happen. If you and I have a great conversation and you ask if I’d want to do a quick Q&A for your blog over email, that might work. (Note: do NOT reply to this email and ask me. I’ll say no.) : )

6.) Above all else, EARN the right to move the story over to you.


John Jantsch is the Duct Tape Marketer. If you meet him at an event, you’ll find out that he’s personable, that he never talks about what he’s doing until you beg him, and he is friendly and approachable. I promote John all the time because he’s never asked for it.

Charlie Green cowrote a masterwork book on Trust that Julien Smith and I have liberally quoted TWICE in TWO BOOKS. He never asks anyone for a thing. He deserves mountains of promotion. When he shares his own work, you want to read it.

Sir Richard Branson, when I interviewed him, kept asking me more questions about me. He was very inclusive. This man owns an island. He doesn’t talk about it that way. Sure, on the air, he’s VERY self promotional, but that’s the bombast. As a person one-on-one, he’s very humble.


You have a lot going on. People want to know about it. But it’s how you approach it that will make or break what you get from the effort.

My personal efforts all err on the side of providing a lot of value before I extract any for myself (thank you, Anthony, for that language). I also do a lot to nurture the networks I serve, so that when it comes time to ask, people feel like it’s the least they could do to participate and help.

That’s the gold standard. That’s the rich dark soil into which to plant the seeds of growth.

If you want to self-promote, earn it by nurturing the community with no expectation of reciprocation. (tweetable)

And with that, I invite you to get going on the work that needs doing.


So… now I get to work on it! How will you apply it?


About Shari Risoff

Shari Risoff is an author, editor and consultant based in Raleigh, NC, USA. She studied business and spent years building client relationships in the corporate world and is passionate about communicating. She is the author of two books, Released: A True Story of Escape from an Abusive Marriage and Accidental Sabbatical. She began to consult and write full time during her own accidental sabbatical. She writes, and edits books for other authors, as well as helping small business owners with infrastructure or communication or projects of many kinds. She is devoted to her husband Stephen. When she is not working on her new book, or hanging out with Stephen, she is reading books or studying human behavior. Readers or writers in need of an editor can get in touch via email: projectmavens @ risoff.com or follow her on Twitter @ShariRisoff.
This entry was posted in Creative, NC Normal, Networking. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to What Chris Brogan said…

  1. Charlotte Duren says:

    I definitely get hung up on #3 and err right along with Chris when he writes, “My personal efforts all err on the side of providing a lot of value before I extract any for myself.” Then I get overwhelmed with all the conglomerate of “personal efforts” out there vs. the need to monetize and want to withdraw from the whole process. Advice? Where do you stand in the process, Shari?

    • Shari Risoff says:

      I’m currently working to establish boundaries so that I don’t let a defeating resentment build up. If we determine up front where the end will be, it makes it easier when we need to sell something. Pamela Slim is another great resource on that subject.

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